“Behold the children and imitate them . . . They are
interested in the present moment, in being curious and in learning, in showing
and in sharing, in making and creating.”
-Clarissa Dinkola Estes, PhD
Perhaps the children really are the ones that truly “get
it.” The totality of their young lives
exists, in so many respects, in the present.
They can seem so anchored there, relishing – or sometimes not – what
they find themselves interacting with at that precise instance. Ever watch a young child eat an ice cream
cone? There is no past, no future – only
the present moment where ice cream meets mouth.
I can remember those days as a youngster down the Jersey Shore with my
parents when, after a day at the beach, we’d walk along the boardwalk to the
frozen custard stand. I was
transfixed! The world as I knew it came
to a screeching halt – all for the want of an ice cream cone. The singular
focus, the ability to screen out everything around me . . . looking back on it
through an adult lens, I can now appreciate the sheer beauty of its unfettered
simplicity. I had no idea then of how
important that intense focus on the now would be to me later in life. More on
that later . . . .
Once I made the decision a few years ago to give back to my
community and “pay it forward”, I soon realized that I was essentially
embarking upon a double life of sorts.
First there was the “day job”: the
responsibilities that I have in my current role as a corporate vice president
at my company – and all of the duties and deliverables associated with it. Then there is this “other life” that was
developing outside of my daily work life.
Specifically, it is my activism and involvement in the LGBT community which
quickly began to take up an ever-growing space in my life. I owe this entirely to the difficulty I have
with saying the word “no” when individuals or organizations approach me to get
involved in some capacity. It’s only
recently that I have developed the tactic of the “polite decline” when it comes
to being asked to serve on boards or committees beyond those I have already
committed to. But that said, it can
quite often be a struggle of conscience because there is still so much work to
be done within the LGBT equality movement, especially when it concerns the
rights of transgender and gender non-conforming people.
So now, as I embark upon my life’s next challenge I have
become increasingly aware of a troublesome incongruence between the day job and
my work in the movement. I suspect that
some of you reading this may have experienced similar feelings. For me, it has been a troubling inability to
reconcile the two spheres I have chosen to live my life within. On the one hand, there is my work in the
community which I derive great joy from and where I feel I am most
blessed. Having the opportunity to
contribute in some way to creating the change that we seek and inspiring others
to do the same – in their workplaces and in their personal lives - is most
assuredly a gift from a higher place. It
makes my heart sing.
On the other is the “day job” (it occurs to me I need to
come up with another name for it) – nowhere near as exciting or stimulating as
moving an audience who wants to learn from my personal story of embracing my authentic
self – but I have to grudgingly admit it serves as the foundation for it. Now of course I get that part. My company pays me a very good wage, and
furthermore, didn’t run me out of town on a rail when I came out a few years
back. But I still couldn’t wrap my head
around how best to reconcile the two. Or
if I had to at all. It’s been difficult,
make that very difficult, to connect the dots.
I simply could not make the connection between these two very disparate
worlds. That is until the other night,
when I had a telephone conversation with my spiritual director.
But before I go any further I feel it is important to
mention that what I am about to share comes from my own personal belief
system. It is not an attempt whatsoever
to convert anyone. Simply take from it
what you will, if anything at all. Some
of you may stop reading now thinking I going to get all religious on you. Hardly.
Feel free to substitute God for something that works for you – be it, Buddha,
Allah, the Divine or perhaps Spirit.
With that little disclaimer out of the way, I’ll continue . . .
As we discussed this issue she made me realize that among
other things, I was “enduring” my day job and not truly being present to it at
all. She went on to explain that I
needed to shift how I viewed my daily work through a different lens – the lens
of God. I did not come upon my job by
mere happenstance, I’m there for a reason.
She urged me to consider these questions, “What is God guiding me to in
my daily work that is valuable and important?” “What are the benefits I derive
from my job that I can bring to others outside of the office?” And finally, “What are the gifts there that
God has for me?” She helped me to better
understand that I have but one life and everything I do, however mundane,
serves a purpose and is invariably intertwined with some other aspect of my
life. It keeps me grounded and provides balance. She taught me a simple but very valuable
lesson: a compartmentalized life is not
an authentic life at all.
This brings me back to the lesson taught by the young
children I mentioned earlier: live your
life in the moment. Always be present to
it and embrace the now. There is much
knowledge to be gained by focusing one’s life there. Live in the present moment as the children
do, with the knowledge that I am also living
my life in my day job with all of its “time to make the donuts” moments,
just as much as when I am in the front of a room speaking. My actions – all of them, in whatever the setting
– affects others. I am making a
difference in both places, in all of the places where I live my life – and
that’s where the connection is. That’s
where I found the proverbial “golden thread.” By choosing to allow God to teach me what I am supposed to learn there –
even if I’m not in the spotlight.
All it took was the realization that I am supposed to be
there, focused on the present, and rooted in the now, with the wonder of a
child . . .
Anyone up for an ice cream cone?
